By Jerome Yaovi Onipede
Lawrenta my Wife, and I had 6 Sons altogether, though 2 of our Sons, Ore-Ofe and Ifeoluwa are with the Lord right now.
By the time I am writing this, I can assure you that if our Sons were Daughters, they would no doubt have started getting Married one after the other by now. However, by the Grace of God, our Sons will soon start getting married and to the right Ladies, and ORDAINED BY GOD too.
A good age for a Lady to get legitimately Married is between 22-26, and for a Man 25-30 years. Anything about Marriage for both a Lady and a Man after 30 years may require an extra effort in the area of Searching for, and finding a “HEALTHY” Partner.
According to Erik Erikson, life is about DEVELOPMENT, and development comes in STAGES.
At INFANCY, 1st year of our lives, we learn TRUST.
As a TODDLER, 2nd year of our lives, we learn AUTONOMY.
As a PRESCHOOLER, 3-5 years, we learn INITIATIVE.
At ELEMENTARY (Primary) SCHOOL, 6-11 years, we learn COMPETENCY.
As an ADOLESCENT, 12-19 years, we learn IDENTITY.
As a YOUNG ADULT, 20-40 years, we learn INTIMACY.
It is at this stage of Young Adulthood, that we learn about MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIP. We also learn about PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL INTIMACY. We learn to PARTICIPATE IN GROUPS, working in harmony. We learn to be OPEN, WILLING TO INTERACT. And we learn to be able to MAKE AND KEEP COMMITMENT. All this I say makes Marriage a good place to be at this time.
Now it’s not enough to keep saying there are Couples getting divorced every day, without asking why and doing all we can to prevent it for those who are about to get Married. I have met so many people who want to get married, but are just not Psychologically, and Sociologically DEVELOPED ENOUGH for it even at over 40 years. You can not take away the place of COUNSELING from your PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE. If you are ready to spend so much money for a wedding and you do not include Personal Counseling or Pre-Marital Counseling, there is a probability you are going to go about looking for a Marriage Counselor after you are Married.
When I meet a potential client who needs help in meeting a credible partner for Marriage, and he or she says to me that “I know myself and I can assure you that I DON’T NEED COUNSELING, BECAUSE I’M ALRIGHT”, I always realize that I may just be right before someone who is living in DENIAL, and that I have to be careful with such a person, because he or she may give me problems later, so I rarely have them register for the MATCHMAKING PROGRAM.
Tell me how you can be ready for a Relationship or Marriage and you still conveniently live with
1) MISTRUST of others
2) SHAME and DOUBT of yourself
4) INFERIORITY or SUPERIORITY Complex
5) IDENTITY CONFUSION
6) ISOLATION and SELF ABSORPTION, always keeping to yourself and staying away from others.
Don’t you know these expressions may be signs that you need to really check yourself so you don’t MALFUNCTION big time in a Relationship or Marriage?
Don’t get to that point where you believe the lie of the devil that “Well if Marriage does not work, I will get a divorce, at least I won’t be the first to do so”. That’s not God’s Plan for you. You may need to know that DIVORCE IS NOT A PART OF MARRIAGE, and should not be. Whatever you do when it comes to Relationship and Marriage make sure you insist on laying the right foundations and you can have a successful Marriage like Sam and Nike Adeyemi, Ayo and Folake Daniels, Nduka and Bethel Omeife, Seleem and Bisola Adegunwa, etc. Don’t be surprised to discover that SO MANY MARRIAGES are still working and very successful. We don’t often talk about them, but usually read or hear stories about the ones that are not. However, yours will be one of those that will succeed.
Do the right thing, do a check up on yourself, get counseling. Insist on the Right Foundations, and you will be good for it.